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Behind the Scenes at Tony Robbins Date with Destiny Part 3

Would you like to know how to get out of pain and suffering?

Uh, duh!

On day 3 of Date With Destiny, stuff started getting intense {my favorite}.

The topic : pain and suffering

Would you say that you’re good at being in pain and suffering?

It’s totally normal and part of the human pattern and condition.

Most of us are pretty good at pain and suffering. We obsess over things, we think about things that upset us, we get into bad moods about stuff that doesn’t go our way.

I would guess that that’s not the way you want to feel most of the time.

I would guess you really want to feel positive emotions most of the time, right?

During the event, Tony Robbins does interventions with people. He asks some questions, and chooses someone to stand up and share their story or struggles.

I was mesmorized by a story a woman shared on Day 2.

It was super painful to see what she was going through and how she was stuck. She was stuck in the past, and she was stuck in something that happened over 30 years ago.

Her story spoke to me because I could imagine some things I’ve held onto for 5-10 years, and I definitely wanted to let that go NOW versus carrying it around for another 20 years.

Tony said to her on occasion, “You’ve already suffered with this for 30 years. When are you gonna stop?”

Her share led to a long talk about the reason we stay in pain and suffering.


We are meeting our needs through our suffering – that means it’s doing something for us – otherwise we wouldn’t do it.

We find significance in that we have a problem, and that we have a BIG problem that’s bigger than yours. Hello, significance.

In addition to finding significance in our suffering or problems, we also find certainty and connection in that we can share our problems with friends. They’ll be there for us, and they’ll love on us, they’ll hug us, and we’ll always have something to talk about.

Welcome to AWARENESS of how messed up this is!

It’s keeping us from being happy or joyful, or whatever positive word you want to use.

Here’s the good news: There’s a way OUT of this pattern.

We just need to shift our perspective.

The reason we’re in pain and suffering is because we’re obsessing over ourselves.

You’re only in pain because you’re obsessing over yourself.

So what does that mean?

Let’s say somebody cut you off in traffic, and now you’re pissed off. Why are you pissed off? Because they did that TO YOU. You assume they are so inconsiderate that they really scared you and made you have to slam on the brakes ON PURPOSE. You’re so bothered, and you just can’t believe how rude they are, and you, you, you, you, you.

If you were to shift your perspect to the other person, and imagine WHAT ELSE could be happening, then you could have a different emotional experience. What if they just got the most important phone call of their life, and they had to switch lanes super fast, and they really didn’t mean anything by it, and they feel bad for scaing you, then you would not feel as much pain and suffering as you feel when you’re like, they did this to me, oh my gosh.

Think about that for a moment.

How else could that show up in your life?

What could you be holding onto, that the only reason you’re holding onto it is because you’re making it about yourself?

What can you do about it?

For me, this is an ongoing practice to shift my perspective.

I still have only-child-it’s-all-about-me moments, but now I have awareness and skills that can help me to shift more quickly than before.

Practice it –

Start with catching yourself when you feel the tension and asking a better question like:

  • What else could be happening right now?
  • What can I learn from this today?
  • How can I appreciate this person right now?
  • What’s good about this situation?

Your brain will always answer the question you ask – so ask one that leads you down an empowering path.

Remember – Life is always happening FOR YOU.

I’d love to know if this conversation sparked a breakthrough! Send me a note!


This is Part 3 in a series called Behind the Scenes at Date with Destiny.  Check out Parts 1,  and 2 if you missed it!